so that wasnt chicken after all
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
