hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
