You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
