I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
