I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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