I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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