haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
