This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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