I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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