Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
