Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
