I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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