just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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