ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
