I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
