see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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