i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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