Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
