Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
