i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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