the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
