He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Of course I have a pirate flag
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
