Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
