false alarm. still invincible.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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