you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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