we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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