My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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