Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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