You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
