Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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