I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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