You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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