My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Enjoy the penises
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
