My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
