My liver just broke up with me...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
