I got chris browned last night
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just want nice things and good sex
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize