Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
