I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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