tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
