3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
