We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
