I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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