we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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