So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
