when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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