I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
