We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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