and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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