No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It was confusing and full of hummus
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
