Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
